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So when things went bump in the night, Josh wasn’t jumping out of bed to investigate. He was under the covers with me. He felt no shame in saying, ‘you go’. In fact, he wore his cowardice as a badge of honor. ‘Look how equally I treat you,’ he seemed to be saying. ‘I’m willing to let you go investigate the potential rapist sneaking in the window.’ In the bedroom, Josh was a bore. So were the three other guys I have been with. All bores. I thought sex was boring because of them. I thought sex was a chore, honestly. With Josh especially, it was ‘mind if I do this’, ‘Can I touch you here’. ‘I’m going to do this now, okay?’, or maybe ‘Please, could we try this?’ Like I said, boring. In Josh’s defense, I never did tell him what I wanted or needed. Until Ben Sheppard came along, I didn’t know what I wanted or needed and wouldn’t let myself consider that what I wanted and needed is the firm hand that Ben gives me. In many ways, I feel like Ben Sheppard took my virginity. My hymen is long. I decided I could take my first break from directing traffic inalmost eight hours."I knew that," she said, "Thought I'd make you important. That's not ourcounty's shirts. They bringing in outlanders to chase ol' folks fromtheir homes?" Yep. But I just come from the next county over; too much of the NationalGuard is away these days. Where did you come from? What are you doing onfoot?" I'as born and I live by the branch 'bout three miles down there," Shesaid pointing at the smaller of the two roads. I decided I didn't want togo to the other side and got off that truck they threw me on." Ma'am, you sure shouldn't 'a done that. They're trying to divert waterto that creek to save the next dam, it's going to flood too. You got toleave." I been on this side too long - too long. Not right they can arrest aperson for being on there own land." Well, they can't, but they can act like they can. They're just trying tohelp you; cleaning up bodies is worse duty then evacuations." Bastards. And if.
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