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After turning off the light, Seth lay on the bed, watching me. He pulled me onto the bed, into the warmth of his embrace. His skin was so warm that I wanted nothing more in that moment than to stay in his arms and sleep.A soft kiss on my forehead told me I was not going to be doing the latter anytime soon. I brought my head up so I could meet his lips but shied away at the last moment. I wanted to kiss him, but at the same time, I knew I shouldn't. It became a battle in my head, weighing the pros and cons.Damn it; why did I have to like this so much?I was still contemplating when Seth began to stroke my hair lightly, pushing stray strands away from my face. He then put his fingers on my chin, guiding me to his lips so he could kiss me. He was so gentle, so kind, I knew he was a player, had heard it from several people, but the way he treated me in this moment and past moments, he made me feel as if I was the only girl that mattered."Do you... do you treat all your stands like this?". No videos, no texts, just him. His voice. His body.By the time the night of the party arrived, my stomach was in knots. I got home and took a long hot shower before slipping into a short, black party dress. I did my makeup and spent half an hour debating over which shoes to wear. Did it matter? Of course it mattered. Even though it was a regular party at my parents’ house, everything would be changed by the mere presence of Scott. I tried not to think of him but it was impossible. Half of me felt like staying home. Maybe he wouldn’t want me anymore. Maybe he wasn’t going to show up. After all, he’d been to New York two times already in the last month. Surely it’d be weird for him to show up again for a low-key Christmas party. I got into the back of a cab and made small talk with the driver. I don’t remember what I said. I was so preoccupied, it could have been anything.I was late. I scanned the crowds of people dispersed around the house. No. No. No. I didn’t see him. Was I.
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