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"This is your first time doing this, isn't it?" he asked."Is it that obvious," I asked smiling."Well, most women are a bit more...conservative and held back in the first meeting." I shifted nervously in my seat and started to regret my outfit. Was I showing too much? Was I giving off the wrong impression? I'm not a hooker. That is not the vibe I wanted to give off here.Luis relieved my worries when he continued. "Don't get me wrong. I'm glad you're not held back. You're confident and you're presenting yourself to me as you are. I like that. Don't be nervous. You're doing great." I smiled back. He continued, "Let me tell you what I'm looking for. I'm running my own business and life is busy. It's tough for me to maintain relationships because of my schedule. But I want to have someone who makes me feel young when I'm away from work and gives me the relief I need after a long workday. Does that make sense?" I nodded. "In terms of how I see our arrangement working, we would preschedule. By the time the dance ends I'm trembling with a feeling I cant put myfinger on.Then he kisses me, and I can name it.I'm in love with him.I want him to hold me, and kiss me, and do things I am not equipped forwith me ....Then I wake up, crying.I dont know what to do about this.I dont know who I can talk to.I know dreams aren't real, but it comes from somewhere, but where?And its not just the dream. Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror, andI look .... wrong, somehow. I look and I half-expect to see the girl frommy dream looking back at me.And the fact she doesn't is a grief I cant even begin to describe ....I've got to pull myself together, shake this off somehow.I wish I had someone to talk to about this, but who?My dad is a man's man, he's counting on me to follow in his footsteps. Goto collage, be the Big Man on Campus, marry a girl just like mom, he'dnever understand.And Tammy's counting on being the girl in that picture, I can tell this inthe way she talks about our future. .
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