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When you’re an international student, they charge you an arm and a leg. I don’t know what possessed me to move from Brockton, Massachusetts, to Ottawa, Ontario. Things were tough in the States but I’m not exactly having a breeze in the Canadian capital. Never mind. I knew the answer to that question the moment I thought about it. Had I stayed in Brockton I might be a dead man because of all the people I royally pissed off. Some of them family members, others are strangers and former acquaintances who feel pissed about my double-crossing them. Hey, not my fault they were gullible. So here I am. Lying in bed, trying to get some sleep. My shift at the big grocery store in Kanata Center starts at eleven o’clock at night and ends at seven in the morning, five days a week. I get weekends off. It’s not so bad, except for the fact that the store is in frigging Kanata and I live in Vanier. I wish those dumb asses at the security company would place me at a location closer to home. I mean,. And for that, we thank you.Oh, I know you think your precious little snowflake isn't like those girls you read about in the news who go off with some guys, get drunk, fuck the entire lifeguard staff and end up floating in the Gulf. You're right. Your daughters lived to party another year. But let me assure you, you've raised a hot little pistol there, Mom and Dad.I want to thank the parents of the daughters of the Midwest. The meat and potato fed girls of North and South Dakota. The corn fed darlings of Minnesota, Nebraska and Iowa. The lusty sisters of Notre Dame. The milk maids of Wisconsin. The Hoosiers of Indiana. And although Ann Arbor is a whore, thank you for the girls Michigan — future assembly line workers all of them. And the Buckeyes of Ohio. My good heavens how those girls can drink. Although I think the girls of Miami at Ohio suck better dick. But thank you for all of them.I want to thank the parents of the daughters of the Carolinas. Duke really does suck, and quite.
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