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I told her what memories my Swiss cheese brain had of the events of that fateful day, and we walked on. She spoke of the ultimate joy she felt as new life grew inside her and the crushing loneliness she felt because she couldn’t trust me to share the experience with. She spoke of the laughter Valerie would evoke from her when she kicked. The tears she shed into her pillow because I wasn’t there for her. The pressure exerted on her by well meaning friends and family to give her child up for adoption. They were only acting in her best interest and I was not to be trusted. The tears flowed down my face as the gravity of her sense of loss sank in to me. My own fears of hurting her more than I already had, kept me from carrying the battle for our child’s custody becoming a raging court issue. Her family and friends advised me the legal actions I had already taken were devastating her and if I won it would be at the cost of her sanity. I couldn’t hurt her anymore and our child was lost to. “I have a number of other leads. Our leaker is scared shitless and cooperating fully.”“Who is it?”, I asked.“If you’ll forgive me, I’m not going to tell you that for now. The middle-man doesn’t know we’ve broken his informant. That is our single biggest advantage, but it relies on the leaker appearing to continue with their life as normal. So put all thoughts of retribution aside until I tell you this person is of no further use to us.”I didn’t know whether to be annoyed or to pity the poor sod. His/her interrogation couldn’t have been much fun. And that would be the least of his/her worries if the middle-man figured things out. So I just asked, “What about the Blackdog guys?”“They are no longer in the UK.”“What does that mean? We’ve moved them out of the country? Why?”He gave me a piercing stare but didn’t answer. My brain caught up a few moment later. The only reason for doing that was to avoid the due process of British law. With my eyes closed and feeling a little queasy, I.
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