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You're scared of the fucking consequences." Yes I'm scared," I said, surprised at the vehemence in my voice. "Goddamn yes I'm scared. It got out of hand once, okay, just once— And I hurt my best friend for life. I took her virginity, she took mine, and it turned out to be a mistake. When you find the guy you really wanna give it to, oh God whoops! it's already gone. And all the while I just thought everything was going fine. While it was all slipping out from under my feet. How could I not be scared!"I wiped at my face. Damn. Didn't mean to cry.There was a long silence in the room. Everyone fidgeted, playing with shoelaces or the arm of the couch or the arm of a significant other, respectfully pretending I wasn't there."So, Sajel," Shannon asked. "How was it?" How was what?"I could hear the grin in Shannon's voice. "The sex, silly. With Brandon. How was it?"Sajel was quiet for a while, thinking. Then she said, "Honestly. I thought it was pretty good. I've never been with anyone else,. Both were tall and attracted beautiful women. No party was complete without them; they were simply fun to be around. Together they made panties moist and broke hearts all over campus. I had often wondered if they went everywhere and did everything together. Neither of them paid any attention to me, of course, who would expect them too? On the outside, I was a shy, bookish looking smart girl. I was not slender like the women who circled around them, my breasts and hips were larger than average, my skin was pale not tan, and my legs were short not long and lean. My green eyes and black wavy hair were what I considered my best physical attributes, and although I did not think of myself as ugly, I was not glamor magazine beautiful. For the most part I kept quiet, watching Jake and Ian from behind a self imposed wall of anonymity, reading novels. Within the pages of my books, I could be, go, and do anything at all. Braydon was a young cancer patient at the hospital where I volunteered. He.
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