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Nobody is home or on the throne.It’s a liberating, yet lonely thought. All my life, I have been told of a loving Father which is an image I clung to as I never had one. The Christian faith is burned deep into my soul/mind and even though I have no “faith” I still find comfort in it’s familiarity. I’m also Heathen and find comfort in the sagas of my ancestors and the images of Freyja, sweet Sunna, and Hel. The Disir I adore. What’s interesting is faith or no faith I’m observant enough to know that there’s things that go bump in the night that a .357 won’t do nothing for. They don’t depend on your frame of mind. They just are.The upshot is I decided to quit being angry. There’s no sense in being angry at myself for being unable to do the impossible. I’m happier. My problems still suck but I don’t feel a maelstrom tearing me apart. I can focus on healing and if that’s not possible I can focus on enjoying what time I have left as me.This last week I discovered CBD. I knew about it, but. After ten minutes or so I got nosey and crept back into the house, I could hear them talking, my wife asking about the job, I peeked through the door, they were both facing away from me so I had a good view of them both, he was a well built man in his thirties, my wife is in her late 40's but looks younger, he was saying the job was at different venues mainly for parties or company functions and that the waitresses clothes were supplied by the company as each function was different, he had brought some with him for her to try on, he explained that she would have to be broad minded as he handed her a skirt and see through blouse to try on, she protested that she was too old for the clothes and he reassured her that she would be fine and to try them on and show him what she looked like, off she went to the bedroom to try them on, me darting into a cupboard to hide, I heard her return and I could see her putting her head around the door talking to him, saying she couldn't possibly wear.
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