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“You next and I’ll take the outside?” Alex rubbed my shoulder. I was happy to smile and turn my head to look at her. She was still dressed. I gave her a hug. She squeezed back.“I’m taking the chair,” I said for the whatever-numberth time. “You’re--”“The most sober!” she interjected. I didn’t believe her. Sam may have been in better shape. Alex was getting a bit red-cheeked. She ran her fingers around the hem of her sweater. I walked her to the side of the bed.“Good night, girls,” I said.“I never got a hug!” Sam exclaimed with genuine dismay.“I can’t go around to the other side to hug you, Sam,” I pointed out: the mattress was right up against the wall.I put my hand on Alex’s back and said, “I’ll see you in the morning. If you need another Advil, I’ll fetch it for you.” Sam still looked sad, so I reached across Max and squeezed Sam’s shoulder. Her face relaxed when I touched her. Max rubbed my forearm. “Sweet dreams, girls.”“Don’t sleep in the chair!” Alex started to pull her shirt up,. Slightly more selfish than wishing to be invisible, actually resenting, in some small part, that these people are here and that they insist on talking to you. Or at you, as the case may be. I takes a specific kind of person, I guess, to experience this odd sensation. I know people who would choose a few words from their endless vocabulary of curses and tell them, in no kind terms, that they wish to be left alone. Not me. Then there’s people who blend into this kind of crowd. Genuinly nice. Also not me. Me, I’m out of place. Pretty much everywhere. And not many see this, simply because nobody really wants to think someone doesn’t have a place to fit into. Be polite, do not show how tired useless talk makes you, and you’ll find a response close to acceptance. It was, if you must know, at a funeral that this feeling crept up on me. Of my girlfriends stepmother’s cousin. I don’t think even she cared, how could I be expected to? She was expected to be here, and I, not being rude to them,.
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