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I left at least twice as many of the plants to continue growing. Once I loaded the bags onto the mule, we continued our exploration.There were four caves around this valley; one was two or three times the size of the largest caves in the other two valleys. It seemed as if it took forever for the dogs and wolf pups to return from checking it out. When I finally went in, it was easy to see that this cave had been home to a bear, probably the mother bear and two cubs we killed.We managed two circuits of the valley before returning to camp. One circuit was along the outer edge of the valley and one about halfway to the center of the valley. We did see two herds of deer, each with ten to twenty members. We also saw the herd of mountain sheep with a dozen or so sheep in it. Having just hung the bear and half of the small deer in the smokehouse we didn’t hunt today.We stopped and filled three large baskets with ripe berries, and found no evidence of bears visiting the berry bushes more. Never was my jealousy more than that moment, or any moment I remember it still. It was a pain that left a tiny scar that I could have avoided. However, that night also forced me to address my own jealous feelings and find a way to cope.My current coping mechanism is to embrace it fully. Yes, I get jealous. No that feeling won’t go away. But I will use it to my own choosing, hopefully creating some provocative writing from it instead of letting it consume me whole. I have imagined our trio in every possible way, you and her while I am left out, me fucking someone while she denies you again, me and my ex as you tear yourself down in your own lonely room. Admit the feelings and own them. Be the boss of them and never let them leave another scar.I will always tell you when I get hit on. Sometimes just out of my habit for honesty. Other times specifically to stir that green boiling pool in your mind. I mention dating, finding a boyfriend that I can be free and open to go and do things.
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