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Absolutely none the wiser, I read everything I could about women’s sexuality, coming-out stories, and desires. I found some comfort at that time hanging out with a British lesbian couple at their home. One of them recommended shows to watch—L Word (intimate drama series about a group of lesbian friends struggling with romance and career in Los Angeles) and Tipping The Velvet (a coming of age story set in 1890s in England, delving into pervasive lesbian theme). Their courage and sureness, so what if it was fictional, in the face of their own uncertain journeys was inspiring enough to take the next step. Come out to my parents. I sat myself next to my mother. ‘I prefer women to men as my partner,’ I muttered, almost whispering in an apologetic tone, weeping uncontrollably. I could see the colour of her face go from red to pale, as I explained the switch, the delicate difference in lovemaking and companionship, the therapy, and the Kinsey scale. ‘But you’re not entirely gay, the test. My “H Bomb” had been dropped and hit its target square on.Ok, so now I could get a hardon and cum, and one of the first questions I asked myself was. What shall I do with it now? I didn’t know then why they happened, I didn’t know that the reason was later in life you use your hardon and cum facilities to help a lady to make a baby. I went to Catholic School; such things weren’t taught to us. Any way I couldn’t have seen Sister Mary, a nun of indeterminate age with a better beard than I can get even now, teaching us about the sex. Even if I did know the real reason, I was 12 for fuck sake, girls were horrible, girls were yucky and I would have been more worried about losing my bag of glass marbles than losing my virginity.But, I did know that it felt good when I had a hardon, it felt better when I was stroking it and felt like heaven when I cum. I know what I’ll do, I’ll keep on doing it that’s what! And unashamedly I did and everybody in the family, a lot of people in school and most.
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