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He told me about himself. One day while we were having a casual conversation, he popped a personal question. "Are you gay?" he asked nervously. I was stunned by the question but answered saying, "Yes, I am."Ok, cool. I'm bi" he said obviously relieved.Lat that night, he called me into his office. Everyone else had left so I didn't know what was going on. He told me to sit down in one of the chairs that faced his desk. As I sat down, he said with a lustful grin, "Let's have a little fun." I threw everything except his computer onto the floor. He got out of his chair and came around to where I was. I could tell by his gait that he was intent on fucking me, but that wasn't what I had in mind. Before I left my apartment, I had grabbed my camera. I pulled it out of my pocket and hit the RECORD button. He had told me before that he kept his sex toys in a desk drawer. I found them. They consisted of a pair of handcuffs and a whip. I forced him to strip down to his jockstrap and turned him. Now I will admit putting the chainsaw function button next to the vibrate button wasn't the smartest idea Santa ever came up with, but come on, what's so dangerous about vibrating a tree down? And yes, it does fire bullets but who's going to be dumb enough to use it while it's loaded? And yes, there is a rocket attachment that's capable of shooting down planes, satellites, asteroids and possibly the moon, but come on, who's going to do that? We even put a warning label on the box, 'For legal reasons, please do not take out the moon'. Doesn't that cover all the bases?" So Santa's been fighting that in court in addition to trying to get ready for this most recent Christmas, which in itself turned into an adventure. Santa barely finished delivering all the Christmas presents because I was almost arrested for, believe it or not, attempted sexual assault. Just to be clear here, that didn't happen. For all you ladies out there, it's Christmas Eve. You've got to know there's going to be a.
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