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I had told her numerous times, “If you ever need help or anything else, you come see me.” Even though I was nearly twice her age, I felt a bit of tenderness for her and a little protective.Shortly after Kerry had celebrated her sixteenth birthday, she and her family moved across town and I lost contact with them. It had been several years since I had last seen Kerry. She was now nineteen, and I am almost thirty-five.As Kerry stepped in, I could see how cold and wet she was. She was wearing a short black dress that barely came halfway down her thighs. It was low cut but still covered her small boobs. Even though her dress was soaked from the rain, it appeared to be a sexy party dress. Kerry, the poor thing, in addition to being soaked to the bone she was shivering from the cold.As she shivered her teeth seemed to clatter. She said, “Thank you for letting me in, Dave. I didn't know where else to go. My husband hit me in the chest with his fist while we rode down the street. He also. The company that made it was nice enough to put in a few potato chips... How many thin mints do you have to eat before they start working?My wife just stopped and said, “You weren’t even listening, were you?”I thought to myself, “That’s a pretty weird way to start a conversation.”Mr. Rogers did not adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.If stupidity were a disability, I know a few people who’d be getting monthly checks... You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I might as well pee, as long as I’m here”.Pharmacist to a customer: “Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription ... Simply showing your marriage certificate and your wife’s picture is not enough.”A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman “Which book has helped you most in your life?”The woman replied, “My husband’s check book”“Political Correctness is just fascism pretending to be manners”—George CarlinMary.
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