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I’m too good for her and we both know it. After a while I will tire of her and dump her – it will break her heart but what do I care… shit happens… live with it bitch. Still, I will have a bit of fun with her today. I pick up the phone and dial her number. She answers meekly and all excited. I can’t stand all this sweetness and light, it sickens me so I get to the point: ‘Strip naked and walk round to mine, just wearing your cheap fake fur coat and boots – you’ve got fifteen minutes so don’t fack around!’ * * * The door buzzer sounds in my hallway. I check my watch: f******n minutes – not bad, but then she knows not to displease me. I pick up the intercom. ‘It’s me!’ She proclaims in an irritatingly gleeful tone. ‘Yeah… surprise, surprise… right, you are going to do EXACTLY as I say… understand … or it’s all over between us!’ There’s never anything to be gained for a man like me, or any man if truth be known, in being soft with a slut… and if ever there was such a creature as an. I had to show him — teach him? -- how to use the reference books we had acquired. First, there was the atlas. Right at the beginning, Patrick wanted to locate the Seeconee Hills. I showed him the map of India and explained that place names change over time and that Kipling wasn't naming a precise location. But then Mowgli's jungle was in Central India, about halfway between Kolkata, which Kipling called Calcutta, and Mumbai, then called Bombay."But where, Daddy?"I located Seoni, south of Jubbulpore, and the Satpura Hills. "There, I think." Patrick nodded."And where are we?"I found the map of Australia and pointed to Perth."Where's India?" The other side of this," pointing at "Indian Ocean." I looked for a hemisphere map and pointed out where Australia and India were. "It's quite far. The world is very big." Okay." He went back to Kipling, who hadn't been writing for six-year-olds. So, right away, Patrick ran upon "hydrophobia," and I helped him find it in the dictionary, which wasn't.
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