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” i opened my mouth, but it was hard to get the words out. Eventually, i said, angrily, “i’m NOT gay… i know i’m not.”He said, “Take it easy Terry, we’re just talking.”He waited a minute, then said, “I hear what you are saying, but why do you say you can’t be gay? Why do you say that so vehemently?”i couldn’t answer.“Let me ask you this, have you been with girls before?”“Yes.” i told him i fooled around with a girl a few times the past summer.He said, “Okay. Why don’t you tell me what you did with her?”“We kissed and i fingered her and she gave me a blowjob.”“Did you enjoy it.”“Yes. It was great.”“Okay. So you didn’t actually have intercourse with her?”“No.”“Okay. Let me ask you about yesterday, okay? I’m just trying to help you understand what happened and maybe why. Why do you think you didn’t stop what we were doing? Do you have any idea?”A few minutes passed, but i didn’t answer. i was still upset, and was trying to calm down.“Okay, that’s okay.” He paused as if he were thinking. ”“All right. If you say we can’t have a relationship, I won’t push it. If you say you don’t want anything to do with me after tonight, I’ll walk away and never bother you again. It would crush me but I would do it if it’s your wish. I just need to know why. What is it? Are you gay?”“I’m not gay. I’m something else. Something...”“What something? Do you have some awful disease?”“No. Of course not.”“Were you abused? Traumatized?“Nothing like that.” She drew in a breath and closed her eyes. “Jeff -- I’m trans.”His jaw dropped and he regarded her in the light from a streetlamp. “Do you mean, trans-gender?”“I prefer the term trans-sexual.”“Holy shit ... I never would’ve guessed, Chelsea. You’re so perfect.”“I am far from that.” Chelsea buried her face in her hands.“Did I say something wrong?”“No ... yes ... I don’t know ... I’m not perfect ... I’m just ... me.” She looked up at him. “I do have feelings for you. Jeff -- I’m not used to a guy giving me your sort of attention; and I must admit.
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