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I want you to be happy, but I can’t just be on call whenever you feel you need me, not after last night. I won’t be able to stay in this house if I have to be near you and always wonder if you will want to be with me like that again. I’m afraid to even kiss your cheek because of what I may do.”John was right. I manipulated and used him to fill that empty spot in my life with little regard for the consequences. How could I have been so naive as to have thought that I would only have phone sex with John when I wanted to or believe that I could call him into my room or go to his room only when I was in the mood? We have been very physical with each other. Each time I allowed myself to go further than the time before. What about the next time? What would I be willing to allow, and what would John expect. What would I do if he came to my bedroom uninvited? Any thought of phone sex slipped away. We needed to sort this out.Seconds ticked by before John said, “Mom?”“I’m sorry, Honey. I was. What did I do wrong?” “No Mary you did nothing wrong except maybe to spoil her and give her a sense that she is entitled.” She is now sobbing and I wrap my arms around her and hug her to my chest. I softly stroke her long blond tresses and sooth the muscles of her neck. Looking at her face all of a sudden, I am struck by her beautiful eyes and the delicacy of her face. Her features are perfect, with a tender mouth, large blue eyes, an upturned nose and the whitest teeth I have ever seen. Sheer perfection. I realize that I have in my arms a warm body that is pressing against mine. She looks up into my eyes and smiles at me. I feel myself melt and all the pent up depression I have felt lifts off my shoulders. I caress her face with the pads of my fingers. She stops my hand and parting her lips takes them into her mouth and sucks on them. “Oh my god,” she says, please forgive me that was totally an unconscious reaction.” I lean towards her and kiss her gently on the lips. “Now that,” I.
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