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I'd be upset with you too. No betting, okay?" I never thought of it, and still won't do it now you've given me the idea. Mom got REALLY annoyed at me for betting at your race."The second reason Donna had caught my attention was an idea for the project that Prof wanted me to exercise my non-existent leadership abilities on. Donna's little friends had been fun when they came to see us off at the car; "fun" being one of Prof's criteria. Involving people was another criterion, so that also got a tick. Involving "several decisions or actions" was the remaining criterion. I didn't have any specific goal in mind for those girls, but I was sure that whatever I did would involve many "decisions or actions". I had to decide what my goal was. After a bit more thought, I decided it was probably the 'journey' rather than the 'destination' that would be the most fun in this case. I imagined it'd be fun to play with their adoration and one-upping of each other to get my attention. I didn't want to. This was going to be the first, and only, public message from me. Stan and I worked on this together in January. We talked about what he wanted me to say. Some of these words are his. Several days after he died, I was writing to a close personal -- real life -- friend. I put ten words together at the top of my message. Then I cried for a long time. It was cathartic. So I shared those words with a few electronic friends; people I'd been close to since the bulletin boards shut down, and everybody migrated to the World Wide Web. Once I did that, I decided to share my thoughts with the rest of you. I wrote:StanHe diedI wasn't readyI know he wasOnce I laid that grief on you, I felt better. You've been most gracious in your comments, both public and private, but now I'm embarrassed to have taken up so much bandwidth on an off-topic message.This is a message of great joy, and a message of extreme sadness. I'm sad for a life cut far too short, and I'm eternally grateful to have had my best.
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