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As usual a flock of pigeons beg for my scraps. As I'm sitting there watching them fight over crumbs suddenly they take flight as Nick bursts through the door struggling to breath. I look up at him and give a little laugh."You know I'd expect you to be fitter." I tease."I just.. climbed.. nineteen.. flights of stairs." he stammers."Why didn't you take the lift?"He creases his brow, puzzled. "Eh... I don't know. I didn't think of that."I laugh. He is adorable. I offer him my bottle of water and he gulps it down and sits beside me."Why you up here?" I always eat my lunch up here if I can get away from my desk." It's quiet." I know, that's what I like about it."We talk for a while. He asks about my family and I tell him how my parents died when I was ten and I was raised by my Grandmother who then died when I was seventeen. I tell him about what I like and don't like, what I do when I'm not working and a few other things that don't matter. It's when I talk about my friends that it gets. Was it too repetitive or too wishful? But I appreciated her limitations, her constraints. Yet, the signs did not auger well at all. I even noticed traces of helplessness in her musings about us in recent months. The helplessness was not one-sided. Even I had been feeling the heat, what with the environment in my own prison of a home getting more and more hostile, not that it was hospitable ever. Somewhere along the line, I seemed to have lost the urge to live. Something told me that there were seemingly insurmountable hurdles in the way to the much dreamed of union that I lived for. If such were to be the case, where was the incentive to live? Having seen light, having seen colours, I dreaded a vegetative existence, black days. The only worthwhile reason to live for some more years that I could conjure up was to play whatever little role I could to see my children do well, and get settled in life. If Nikita was not coming into my life to protect me on a full-time basis, where was.
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