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" It hurts like bloody fucking hell, FI!"She buckled me in the passenger seat. "I know, sweetie." Sorry," I said, feeling embarrassed."Every mum in labour feels that way," she said. "And soon you'll have abeautiful boy. We'll have a beautiful boy."I relaxed for a second thinking about that. "Did you call Dr. Patelyet?"She smiled, "I called from the flat. I got her messaging service."I got nervous. "She has to be there. What if she's not there? Sheknows what to do," I said quickly. I felt my pulse race.Fi smiled, "I'm sure she will be there." She told me later that sheonly hoped she was, that she wouldn't know what to do if she wasn't."Did you call them?" I asked.It took her a second. She took a deep breath. "I will." Sorry. They're the father. They should at least know I'm in labour."Under her breath, I thought I heard say, 'least father, right.'"Please, Fi, I love you but they're the father. You wouldn't like ifthe places were switched."She smiled at 'I love you,' then. I got dressed as you instructed and I was shakingwith anticipation. When it came time to leave, I had second thoughts, Ibacked out and left you hanging. I knew the inevitable texts would comeand they did, I ignored them and blocked you, then I deleted my Fetlifeaccount and went off the radar. I was relieved, I could go back to mynormal life, disaster avoided.As the weeks went on, I felt more and more lonely, I recovered my Fetlifeaccount but kept you blocked. I chatted with other Men and theexcitement grew again. Deep down I wanted this so bad and I knew it. Icould no longer suppress the drive.This is where my open letter to you comes in. I am so sorry for ghostingyou, it was totally unfair and I was wrong. I would love to have theopportunity to meet you again. I would love the opportunity to kneelobediently at your feet, to suck your manly fingers while you feed me, toserve your every need as you train me to attain the deepest level ofsubmission. I will be your full-time.
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