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If it weren't for the tragedy, I'd cry at just how Freudian my life was becoming. My mother was a slut. She was probably certifiably mentally ill. She hadn't a clue who my father was, and never cared. Her idea of a good date was a gangbang. She was a Certified Public Accountant, and somehow she managed to keep her professional and personal life separate. At least I think she did. We lived in a nice house and always had plenty of stuff. She was an attractive woman, at least in most of my memories; I didn't keep a picture of her. Most of the men she dragged home were neither nice nor attractive. She liked slobs. I never knew who would show up for breakfast, or how many. Most of them scared the shit out of me, or shamed me. I do remember one man who hung around for almost a whole school year. I was in seventh grade and he wasn't a bad male role model. They'd met at a swinger's party and I guess he was okay with a lot of her slut shit, but even he eventually got fed up and split. I was a. It was kind of nifty in a way because I didn't actually need my right hand to do anything but pull the trigger. The way she had me holding the rifle made it stick right where it was supposed to.The way she solved my flinching problem was to lie down on top of me. She wasn't heavy, but she was all woman these days, and all that soft flesh on top of me caused some really hard flesh to develop underneath me. Her right hand came down to almost caress my right hand as she spoke into the earmuff, telling me what to do and what not to do and how to ease the trigger back, instead of jerking it. She made me shoot an entire box of ammo without aiming at all, just to get me used to the kick and to let me learn to keep my eyes open.About halfway through the next box I wanted to roll over and have her lie on top of me that way. It was very distracting, let me tell you. Which is why I started paying particular attention to the rifle. I needed the distraction. I paid attention to the feel of it in.
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