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"I don't know why we haven't thought of that before." He turned to Marsha, but said loud enough for Amy to hear, "His brother-in-law has got this great big telescope, in his own observatory. It's real neat." Well, I suppose it beats playing cards," Marsha said, not too thrilled."Maybe he'll be out with his dogs, too," Josh said. "That might be kind of interesting." What's this about dogs?" Danny asked.Josh smiled. He'd heard about the dogs, but he hadn't seen them, yet. He'd been too busy. "He and Mike McMahon are training a dog sled team," Josh said. "They're really looking forward to winter, for once."It only took a few minutes to drive out to Mark and Jackie's farm, even though they had to go very slowly for the last mile, thanks to the rutted, potholed road. Just as they were about to turn in the driveway, they met Jackie and Cumulus in the pickup truck coming the other way, towing the sailplane trailer. "What brings you guys out here?" Jackie asked."We thought maybe we could get. .anything that might help with the way I'm feeling.DAY 32Had my first appointment with Dr. [Name Redacted]. He said it soundedlike I might have gender dysphoria. I fuckin' walked out. I'm not a [SlurRedacted], I'm a man!DAY 34Felt like shit again. Dr. [Name Redacted] called, and I set up anotherappointment. Maybe he's right. I've been looking online and the symptomsfit.DAY 35Second appointment with Dr. [Name Redacted]. I think he's right. I'vespent so long trying to prove myself, scared of what I think I alwaysknew, deep down. I've been playing a part, trying to be what I think aman is supposed to be, but it's always felt false, I understand that now.I'm ready to start accepting who I really am.DAY 36I bought my first tube of lipstick today. The cosmetics aisle was sobright, and I had to wait until there wasn't anyone around. My heart wasbeating so hard I could hear it. I felt like I was trying to rob a bank.I had to use the self-checkout, and I kept worrying that someone wouldsee me.
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