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I feel as though a poisonous substance is running through my veins and chilling my blood. I also feel as though a hot bubble is welling in my head and it’s about to burst against my skull. My eyes are bulging like a zombie. I feel my muscles tightening in despair. I lick my lips maniacally. I probably look like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. “Are you okay?” Matt asks worriedly. “Actually…no…I’m not feeling very well today. Is it okay if I take the rest of the day off?” “Yes, sure.” He rubs my neck gently with one hand. “Take as many days off as you want. I’ll call you if I need anything.” I leave the apartment without uttering another word. He wants to get rid of me so he can be alone with her. And it hurts. Well, well, well, what an unpleasant twist of fate! Yesterday, after Matt peed in front of me, I realized that I was in love with him, and today, he has a girlfriend. I feel like a fool. But I have no right to object. Oh, God, what shall I do? Should I just walk up to her, yank her. I’m so stupid. He’s going to say no… ‘ ‘Okay, Sarah. This time you win.’ I blinked. I had convinced myself so strongly in mere moments that he would say no that it took several seconds for me to process what I had heard. He took advantage of my pause to add a condition. ‘But we do this my way.’ ‘What does that mean?’ ‘If we are going to do this, if I’m going to trust you on this, we do it my way. I’m not going to have you stripping out of your clothes right here and now, and just ‘doing it’. We’re going to do it right.’ He stared into my eyes, daring me to object. I looked at his face, the set of his mouth, and knew there was no point in arguing. I wanted to just get it over with… but I couldn’t deny that some part of me wanted to be made love to properly, before the pain hit. ‘Agreed?’ he asked me. ‘Agreed.’ I decided to push my luck, however, and left the three buttons undone on my blouse. I’m sure he noticed, but he didn’t say a thing. ‘Steven?’ ‘Yes, Sarah?’ ‘You asked me how I.
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