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.. I asked Mummy how long Daddy would be out fishing and she said it would take the contagious.Jack is on his death bed, and he says to his wife “Can you give me one last wish?” She says “Anything you want”. He says “After I die, will you marry Larry?” She says “But I thought you hated Larry”. With his last breath, he says “I do”.A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder and asks for a beer. The bartender brings a beer and notices the parrot on his shoulder and says “Hey that’s really neat. Where did you get it?” The parrot responds “In the jungle, there’s millions of them”.A super-hot chick walks into her church and says to the priest “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned”. The priest says “Tell me dear, what’s on your mind?” “Well Father, I am a sex addict, and lately I discovered that I like doing it with priests. I had sex with the one from the church two blocks from here, the one five blocks from here, and also the one from the church nearby”. The priest says. Phil was fucking lame.They brought with them new technologies and new beliefs. Mankind is greedy for new cool shit and connections in Space. That made the Aliens welcome.Mom met Phil at a singles night. Apparently, Aliens also enjoyed awkward social environments where you are lined up like cattle and forced to pick a mate over a game of shuffleboard while you drink craft beer.My dad had died. Phil's soulbond had died. And he and Mom found each other.I almost forgot about Samantha coming to stay until the weekend rolled around and she showed up with all her bags. You'd think she was moving in, not just coming to stay."Samantha, you can stay in Jane's room." I heard my mom say that which quickly caught my attention."Moooomm, I need privacy and alone time," I cried out in a whining tone.The truth was I put myself to bed with the soothing sounds of my vibrator every night. It was like a pleasure lullaby. I wasn't sure I could go a couple of days without it let alone an entire summer! My.
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