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Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.Poor bastard.I went to a really emotional wedding the other day.Even the cake was in tiers.We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.Runs in our jeans.A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"A hot blonde orders a double entendre at the bar.The bartender gave it to her.Want to hear a word I just made up?Plagiarism.Why do cows wear bells?Because their horns don't work.What did the pirate say when he turned 80?Aye Matey.To the handicapped guy who stole my bag--You can hide but you can't run.I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.If anything, it made him more sluggish.And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life"But John came fifth, and won a toaster.Q: How do you think the unthinkable?A: With an itheberg.Someone stole my mood ring.I don't know how I feel about that.I tried to. Our marriage counselor told us to share fantasies and thoughts to rekindle our relationship. The truth is I just want to get fucked again. But for the first three days after we were told to do it, we didn’t. Then my husband suggested that we write them down and leave them for the other to read. But Sam isn’t much of a writer. We were stuck. Finally he decided to send me emails with a link each day of a fantasy movie from a porn site he visited a lot. After a couple days he started to write little notes along with them. I’m a writer, so it was easy for me to write, but fantasies? I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t have them, I just don’t want to share them.For example, I would really like to eat my best friends pussy. Maybe have her put a finger up my ass as she eats me. I would never say it to her. But I like her body and I love that she’s not shy. She comes over to go bike riding and then showers in the master bedroom as I tidy up. I always get an eyeful. This is not my first girl.
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