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We even talked of getting married. As far as I was concerned, thatsettled the matter of being gay. I couldn't be gay if I was going to getmarried.Then, after about a year, the romance fell a part. The blame belongs to both,but I know that I started the beginning of the end. Things just didn't seemright. I wasn't happy with her. Any form of "making out" seemed like a chorefor me. But, that wasn't because I was gay. That was because I wasn't ready tosettle down.After a few more years in familiar surroundings, I decided to venture out andhead west. While living on the coast, I began to come to terms with who I was.All that denial, all of the self-loathing didn't change a thing. I was gay. Itfelt good, I felt free. Yet I was still afraid to venture out and date. I stillhad to endure the brainwashing of a conservative Christian upbringing. I couldbe gay, but I just had to spend my life alone so God would not be angry withme. I spent many long lonely nights. Often on those nights, my. “Here we are,” he exclaimed, running his pen over the piece of paper strapped down to his clipboard. “Marlie Cooper, VIP.” VIP? I could not help but smile. She said that I was a VIP? It was confirmed when he handed me a VIP card, which he informed me would allow me up in the VIP section of the club. I had never been up in the VIP section, though it had always been a dream of mine. Those who never make it up always wonder what goes on up there. Making my way into the club I became lost with the sudden burst of music against my ears. My body began to sway back and forth to the music and before I knew it I was lost amongst a sea of people, our bodies grinding up against one another. Every inch of my body was reaching out to those around me, wanting them closer to me, though some were as close as they could get. Everything was spinning until I suddenly stopped. I felt as if the air had been sucked out of my body and I breathed in deep. I reached out, grabbing the first arm I could.
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