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I have noticed myself becoming hateful and bitter. I hate that I was not good enough to deserve his love and have found myself sitting and wondering what was wrong with me. He has turned me into a person that I am not and I can slowly feel more and more of myself slipping away. Still, I pathetically dream of him and the life I so desperately wish to live with him and only him. I think of a life full of unconditional love and happiness. I wish to come home to a house full of our memories together, the hardships we overcame to be together and all the delights that followed. I dream of Christmas mornings and hearing our children run into the living room to see if Santa had come. I dream of a daughter and a son playing outside with him, chasing them through the garden and playing hide and seek. I long to lay on his chest at the end of the day just to hear his heart beating and find that the rhythm of my own beat is synchronised with his. I want to wake up every morning next to him and. It irks me when a woman does that and then acts pissed because some guy is looking. We enjoyed having them look. This was our 'girls cruise' and I think we all had the idea of taking full advantage of it. What girl doesn't enjoy a little attention on the side?Wasn't long before guys started asking us to dance. A few asked me out to the floor for some fast dances and I obliged. I love any kind of dancing and was pleased that most of them were pretty good dancers . Each one would thank me and escort me back to my stool. I didn't know if any of these guys had girlfriends or wives ...........but that was for them to deal with. When someone asks me to dance or offers me a drink I don't do a background check. After a few long neck Buds and several dances I was all loosened up. The music changed from fast to slow and I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and it was Richard; the guy I met on top deck as we were leaving New York. "Richard ! Hi !" I said, obviously sounding excited."It would.
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