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Even if I am wrong, I feel it in my body and mind. Ted looks after me still. {I touch myself, still damp from him, then I cry. Is grief endless?} I am 50, I will be 51 soon. I am one of those who gets shortchanged every year, my birthday is December 27th. I got used to that, everyone I have ever known except for Ted just ‘combined’ Christmas and my birthday. Silly, yes. But it mattered to me, it is MY day, I wanted it! Ted always gave it to me, he went far above and beyond anything normal to make me the most important part of his life, just two days after Christmas! He knew the one part of life and one’s sex life so many miss, he took the time to feed my mind! But slowly, not suddenly, he was gone from me. Sudden is pain, sadness, it is over and done. The phone rings, a Police Officer at the door, shock then over, just grief and then the financial trappings of death to deal with. Slowly is day after day of worry and unending pain, feeling helpless but trying, on and on. It is like. .. but he saw enough to want to come back again, and again, and then again. She mainly walked around in her underwear: but once she had taken off her bra, and for a full three seconds he had seen her bare boobs! And like an addictive drug, the more he got, the more he wanted!He wondered whether he could somehow get some pictures. He had a camera in his phone, but it was too dark to take any: besides, with an ordinary camera she would she the flash going off. He saw the light increase as another door was opened, and she came into the room ... she must have in the bathroom, because she was wearing a robe and she had a towel wrapped around her head. Was she going to take her robe off tonight! She must be naked underneath! But to his disappointment, she turned on the TV and sat down to watch it.He wondered what to do now: she could be sitting there for hours; but if he went he would miss her taking off the robe! So he crouched down amongst the shrubbery and waited.After forty minutes he'd.
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