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.. they always return.” After an appropriate pause the priest replied, “God knows of your struggles and He loves you all the more for trying to overcome them.” Caroline had been told this many times before, but never had the words touched her as deeply as they did in that moment. “Oftentimes, when we resist something,” he went on to say, “we give it power over us which it may not otherwise have had. Go easier on yourself, my child. When the thoughts come to you, do not look upon them as something forbidden. Let them in. You may just find, after a while, that they have lost their appeal.” This idea had never occurred to Caroline, and she thought it very sound advice, albeit unexpected coming from a priest. She thanked Father Haas for his guidance and said she would give it a try. After another little pause, he inquired how she was settling in, how she liked her new teachers and whether the girls were being nice to her. Tears began to well up in her eyes and with an appreciative smile. He would beg and plead and ask for something I was incapable of giving? Probably I would cry rivers tomorrow, hugging my pillow in weakness. Tonight I would hold back the flood of tears and give him his final minutes. I would get a grip, hide that welling tear, wear a plastic smile and let him have me one last time. I needed to let him pretend that I would still be his when the fall sun rose in the morning. Some people are oblivious to the equinox, even when it stares them in the face. Why am I so here and there? Why am I tossing and turning and feeling all out of sorts? My mother says she suspects I’m a Gemini, equal parts of wanting thrills and wanting stability, a girl here and yet over there. A girl thirsty for love and yet wanting her total freedom; can she have both? Only with a very special man and I knew in my heart that Steve was not that man. For a Gemini the day of the Equinox can be a terrible struggle of parts against the center. Good girl vs. bad girl; naughty girl vs..
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