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Her breasts overflowed the cups because of the way she was lying and bulged out slightly at her sides. I rubbed my palms together to warm them and poured some lotion onto her back and commenced to rub it into her gently. I could feel that the muscles in her back and shoulders were tight and knotted and I saw her slowly relax as I rubbed the kinks out.I caressed rather than massaged my way down her back to her waist making it a long... slow... sensual... experience and Mum went into a kind of trance, and was virtually purring, by the time I reached the waistband if her panties. I bent down and with my lips almost in her ears I whispered softly to her,"I'm going to gently rub this lotion on you right down to your pretty little toes and then I'm going to give you a proper rub down on the way back up. Now lift up a bit so I can roll your panties down a little."She lifted a bit and I pulled them down, exposing half of her buttocks and I proceeded to rub them softly, slowly sliding her. I was more than someone who wanted to be atthe bottom of social ladder. I wanted to be a girl at the bottom.I always envied girls because of their clothes. I was more attracted totheir clothes than I was to them. I was torn between wanting to bed themand wanting to be them. I was never sure which thought was reallydriving my attraction. However, I knew that I wanted to be like them inalmost every way.That's not permitted though. I had to fight those thoughts I was toldindirectly at every possible turn. They were unnatural. Masculinity is agift, the feminine were not our equals and thus not something we couldemulate. They could be like us, but we couldn't be like them.If you let your feminine side out, you are a queer. The world looks atyou that way. I fought it. I over compensated. I walked like John Wayne,I spit, I cursed like a trucker, and I watched sports. Societal scornbreeds denial. Denial breeds self-repression. I became more masculine inmy behavior, but it was a cheap.
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