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And maybe, that had caused some, if not most, of my troubles in the past. Indecisiveness was a hallmark of my behavior except in one area — wanting to be a doctor.My karate instructor had said as much when he had said I wasn’t focused and didn’t put in sufficient effort. Why? Did I question my own abilities? It wasn’t just time, it was commitment. I actually practiced my guitar more than I practiced karate, but I didn’t play for friends nearly as much as they wanted me to. Why? Doctor Blahnik had said I was good, but I wasn’t sure I believed her. It was self-confidence again.And maybe THAT was part of my issue with sex. I’d wanted to lose my virginity at fifteen or sixteen, but I hadn’t succeeded. Why? Because I was sure I was going to be shot down by the girls. I wondered if it had become a self-fulfilling prophecy — I was sure they wouldn’t want to be with me so I’d behaved in ways that made them not want to be with me. As I mused over the change that had occurred after I’d been. She couldhave been naked under those velvet lapels.I was simply blown away. Again, breathless! The curves of herbreasts parted in a deep, shadowed cleft. I wanted to unbuttonthat jacket the worst way! Face the bare truth of her!"I agree already," I said. "What condition?" There were noproblems. How could I not agree? This girl was glorious, a prizebeyond anything I'd ever dared desire. Anything!"I have parents," she said."So?" I replied. "Who doesn't?" Again, dumb! Me, for one, and she knew it. Mine were a memory. They'd died in a car accident a few years earlier. Knowing I'd bealone in the world if something happened to them, no brothers orsisters or aunts or even distant relatives to gather round me,they'd put considerable money in trust for me to use to complete myeducation and then reserve for emergencies. The trust producedsubstantial income, I didn't absolutely have to work. But I wantedto. I like feeling useful, and I like doing things I know I dowell. .
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