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He enjoyed the ritual: the impact of the fob, the slight heft of the car remote and the jangle of the keys. The repetitive action helped him think. He thought about Mei and realized he only knew one thing for sure: he wanted her more than any woman he had ever known. He understood the contradiction if not its origin. Why should he want Mei more than Ai? Not love her more but want. ‘I should ask Ai,’ he thought and was confident that not only would she already be aware of the fact but that it wouldn’t bother her. And as he heard her answer in his head he knew it to be true. ‘You actually love me more but it’s so effortless you don’t see it. And you need her because you created who she is and the responsibility you feel is confused with need for her. You don’t ‘need’ her, you need to fix her.’ And, although the answer came from his own head, he wondered again at the wisdom of the nineteen-year-old girl. ‘Maybe she really isn’t human?!’ ########## He met Tim at the restaurant door. After a moment I asked, "Can you promise me that a situation like that will never occur?" Jeanne whispered, "You know I can't." "So every time you go out without me, I'll have to worry." "Michael, what are we going to do? I love you. I want to be with you." "I want to be with you too, Jeanne." "But you can't trust me." "Trust is only an issue if I'm asking you to do things you can't do." "I don't understand." "Maybe we can find a way for us to be together that allows you to continue dating other men." "Michael, you're confusing me. In your email you suggested that you were maybe willing to accept my dating, but then you started talking about trust... Michael, I'm so sorry I started all of this." "I'm not." "Michael, be serious." "I mean it, I'm not sorry this happened. In fact, I think it had to happen. You were ready for it to happen. You needed it to happen. Yes, I do wish you had included me in the process that led you to this, but you didn't and now that's history." "I really am.
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