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The effort at having to reason out her dislike of her own body just in order to have a passing thought wore Nicki down. Would she ever get over her feelings toward her body? It wasn’t that she didn’t like the shape of it – she actually would have thought it was a cute little round seductive body on someone else – it was just that it belonged to her. She just didn’t like the idea that she had a body at all. She didn’t like the fact that she felt like she was supposed to be treating it well, learning from it, appreciating it’s contribution to her whole self and perhaps working toward a picture of joint mental and physical health. Nicki had been told as a child that ‘fat’ was disgusting. When she had blossomed at puberty (ok, before puberty!), she was told that she was developing into a lusty object for men’s sexual fantasies (at least some parts of her body were doing that), and now that she was an adult, she was bombarded by a world that seemed to think that anything higher than 2%. “I know that Brad spiked my drink. I could feel myself being drugged, but I couldn’t do anything about it” was how Jane started the conversation.Jane continued to tell Marie how she had been aware of what was happening to her.“I knew what Brad had done to me; I knew that he had pulled down my panties, and when I heard the noise of a phone camera clicking I guessed that he had taken pictures of me like that.”Marie nodded in agreement, but she was unable to speak because she was afraid of what Jane would think of how she had reacted so sluttily with the two men and Brad.“But I was aware of what was happening to me, and later I could feel that someone was trying to fuck me. I was trying to scream and struggle, but the drug was too strong. I was totally helpless, and I wasn’t able to resist, but I could feel him rubbing his cock on me.”Marie was silent as she listened to what her daughter was telling her. The thought that was running through her mind was whether Jane was aware of what she.
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