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I was shaking I was so angry. "Oh God, Tanner!" she looked at herself, naked and dripping other men's jism, asking after someone other than me while starkers... "Tanner, you weren't supposed to find out ... Not like this..." as if ever finding out in anyway could be tolerable,"I guess it's just me ... You're clearly more interested in sex then you let on." She blushed."That's not fair!" She stamped a foot, "You're never home ... I need attention." She wouldn't meet my eyes, "You've got to believe me, I love you, I never meant to hurt you..." and less than an hour later, I was gone and our marriage was done.I guess it's obvious I'm not living a traditional life ... It was not easy to just pick up and leave. I am sure many people blamed me for our marriage breaking up ... For a long time I blamed myself, too. No, I hadn't cheated, but I must have done something wrong ... had to have overlooked some need, some cry my wife had made for help.Living on the coast, though, left me facing the. Manchester? London? Therewere some in my handbag, slung over my shoulder and muscle memory hadone in my lips and the lighter poised below before I really knew whatwas happened. I could smell the tobacco, my body needed it, but thethought of drawing the smoke inside, of displacing that clean Cornishair made me feel a little ill.So I spat it out and watched the ocean turn the white paper brown andmake the whole thing into mush. Quickly I stepped away, before any ofit could wash onto my skin. Only the thought of making more of a messprevented me from throwing the rest of the packet after it. Instead Itook my lighter, a heavy one given as a gift by an elderly client, andthrew it as far as I could - an offering to the ever hungry oceanlapping around my ankles.As I saw it plop into a wave I thought that I could follow it, just tokeep walking out into he sea until my clothes were sodden and thewater's cold stole the life from my limbs, of opening my mouth, lungs,belly, my soul to the.
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