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" I guess I'm afraid he won't like me when he finds out what I'm really like." We started this conversation with you telling me you didn't know who you were. So why do you assume the bitchy Melissa is what you're really like? It's not. It's, like you said, armor, a defense mechanism. Do you really want to be that person anymore?" No," I said."Then don't. Melissa, you need to cultivate relationships. You need to figure out who cares about you, and that's where you direct your energies. Cassie cares about you. David does, too. Start there. Figure out why they care about you. There's a reason. And you know what it is-they see through all the crap. David's seen the real Missy all week, because having the bad experience you've had in The Program wore your defense mechanisms down. Cassie's been your friend for years, so she's seen the real Missy, too. Look for validation in people who reaffirm the good things about Missy. And those that don't, avoid them. Or, if you can't avoid them, ignore. It had been torture, having him tease her to the edge of orgasm, only to be denied over and over. The result was she was perpetually excited, aroused, ready for his next game. He used her toys on her, tying her to a chair and making her take them in her pussy, her ass, or just strapping the vibrator to her clit and fucking her mouth until she was begging to come. The memories were ruthless. Her pussy throbbed with need. When he'd finally let her come, she'd cried in great, gasping, heaving sobs of relief. It was those moments of complete release that brought out Benji's caring side. He'd held her, stroking her hair and whispering kindness into her ear while she fell apart in his arms. She'd fallen asleep like that, and when she'd awakened, he'd been back to his usual ruthless self. Their Fridays had been particularly strenuous. He wouldn't let up on the sexual play, making her feel like nothing more than a being of aching need all day. Benji would fuck her like a man possessed,.
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