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"I explained that you were a quiet, well-behaved young ladywho would not dance on the table, and convinced her to reconsider."I didn't quite follow that. "What's Purgatory?" Somewhere that's not nice. Fortunately, it's imaginary."Our waitress appeared, welcomed us, handed us menus, told us what thespecials were and asked if we wanted drinks. Mom told her pinot grigio.I asked for a Diet Coke. Mom canceled that and ordered me a virgin pi?acolada instead. I kind of resented her attitude, but I'd never had avirgin pi?a colada. She and I were free now. Yes! I would dare toexplore the mysteries of the virgin pi?a colada.The menu offered plenty of vegetarian and vegan and gluten-freeoptions, and offered white meats like chicken and turkey and pork, butno red meats, no beef or lamb or game. Lots of low-calorie and low-fatchoices. Mom ordered grilled salmon with saut?ed mushrooms and roastasparagus.I wanted to have the same thing, but Mom canceled that, too, sayingthat we should order. " Bye Tjampion!"I let out a big sigh and lean back in my chair."Time to talk to Mom?" I think we have to."I turn towards Mom. She's obviously anxious. I start talking. "Mom, firstof all, you don't need to worry about me." Hu... hu... honey? You need to explain to me what just happened."I search for a way to explain it to her. My brain is still racing fromthe emergency. It only takes a few seconds. "You know the Internetproblems you were having at work today? I caused them. Not just for youroffice. I think it's affecting the whole world right now. So I went intohigh stress mode. And when I'm stressed or need to figure something out...I talk to myself." Yourself? I heard three voices coming from you. One was distinctly agirl." Yeah, well, I guess they're not exactly me. Tjampion's my hackeridentity. Just an androgynous figment of my imagination that only existson the Internet." And the girl?" I... She..."Mom is almost back into mom mode. "It's okay, hon, you can tell me."Another sigh.
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