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And Elliot was just part of my teachings, a fragment of life shattered by the loss of an ivory innocence, folded with all graceful curves of a budding rose, floating downstream on a river of blood that flowed from my body like so many crystalline tears. Until the river was swept into the ocean of all women who cry and bleed and live without ever knowing why or how, or for what the pain of their existence is all for. Watching myself grow rounder, fuller…feeling the life within me that brought with it fear and hope and complete uncertainty. Knowing as I know my own name that nothing could ever change what was happening to me…not knowing if I really wanted it to change at all. People watching me, people whispering…their eyes burning like demon fire. God how I wish they could walk for one day knowing what I know, feeling what I feel, feeling that life within me as it lives and moves and grows. I stare back to unsettle them, unblinking, unforgiving. They look away but the whispering. There was honesty there too. Those twin sisters were C cups, and they both wanted to hang free. We had our first laugh together, because, when I tried breaking the racked balls, I scratched. In two turns, she got to the eight ball and sank it. We didn’t have a bet, but I went to the bar for 2 cold ones. Handing her a bottle, Maggie quipped, “Let this be my last one, other wise, I’ll want to move on to arm wrestling,” I shot right back, “let’s have two more and just wrestle.” That wasn’t exactly a ha-ha-ha, but it earned me a sincere smile and her eyes gave me the once over. We split the next two games, finished our beer and went to her car. She started the car, looked over at me and said, “Well handsome, what do want to do now?” I thought: This woman is straight forward. I’m going that route. I looked her in the eyes and answered. “I like you very much. I couldn’t help but notice your honesty. You’re honest in.
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