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”“I’m not upset with you, Maikeru-san,” she said quietly.“I’m sorry.”“For what? The time we spent together? For being my friend? For caring for me? For being my octopus?”That last bit was said with a soft smile.“No, but I feel I may have misled you.”“Did you say «愛してる» (aishiteru) to me?”“No, but I think you expected me to.”“No, Maikeru-san, I hoped you would, but I knew you weren’t sure. And I am not sure. What you said the other day, when we were together, was true. I like you very, very much, but the future is very uncertain in America.”“You decided to go back to Japan when you graduate.”She nodded, “Remember I said I was going to talk to my grandmother and Huong? They both said similar things, though each from a different perspective. And unlike my parents, they did not try to make me feel guilty or disrespectful or disobedient. I think you would like Japan, but I do not think you would be happy there. I like America, but I am not sure I would be happy living here, even as your. When we laid down next to each other and he opened that little crook in his arm/chest for me to place my head on, I still somehow thought that it was in friendship. When he leaned down and kissed me, Jack Daniels still evaporating on his lips, I kissed him back for reasons I still don’t understand.I haven’t had a boyfriend in almost a year, and though I’ve never really felt the pressure to force something just to not be alone, there is always something nice about being wanted. Like I said, I wasn’t that drunk, but I was still more than buzzed enough to just kind of go with it. I leaned into his touches, I got on top of him, I bit his neck. There was no part of it that I wasn’t participating in, even if a sober me would never have initiated that kind of thing. By the time we found a condom in the roommate’s night stand, I knew that this was only going to make for serious problems in the morning. The way he did everything showed — even if he was wasted — that he was really into it in a.
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