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“I just look younger,” she said, brandishing her driving licence and obviously aware of why I asked the question. Her name was Marianne.“With two n’s and an e,” she said. “Lot of French influence around here.”The place closed at 10pm and she drove me to her uncle’s house, which was little more than a large shack in the woods. She introduced me to him and his friends, all rugged country types, mainly bearded and overweight. Marianne was the only female there.Then she whispered in John’s ear and they laughed and he nodded. She took me into a bedroom at the back of the house and wrapped herself around me as much as a small person can. I was right: she was determined to grab some action while the going was good. She undressed without ceremony and lay on the bed, one leg bent at the knee and turned outwards, so I could see the little forest of pubic hair.I took my clothes off and joined her on the bed. I kissed her gently and she pulled me to do it harder, while her hand found my cock and. Nothing left to bolster my spirits but sheer will alone. I have the undesirable ability to shut down emotions. I try not to flip that switch, because it can’t be turned back on. I will take so much punishment before I do it, because if there’s any chance, any tiny .000001% of a chance that it will get better, I want to hang on. I’m tenacious. I don’t know how to give up. I refuse to believe I can’t fix things no matter how bad they get. But I’m learning that I can’t fix people. I can’t make someone feel things, or make them want to provide what I need. They either will, or they won’t. People are drawn to me. Men especially. But I’ve only met two people in my life who just did not like me, and that was okay, because I found them despicable anyway. They were not good people. They were not kind people, or even honest people. If a person has redeeming qualities, or is trying to become better, I respect that, and I give them credit for it. After my childhood, I didn’t speak to my.
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