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She would talk with him but not about anything really important or about her. She still laughed with him, but her laugh was different, it didn’t have the same life, the same spark. She didn’t want to tell him her struggles anymore. She didn’t want him to worry about her, didn’t want him to know just how far her self-hatred really went. How deeply rooted in her mind it really was. How every time anyone got just a little glimpse of it, they would tell her that she scared them. She couldn’t do that to him…. But she already had…. And she hated herself for that. She had scared him once already, let him see the one mark she had made, the first mark she had made in months. A mark she made because those feelings she tries to hide so deep came clawing back to the surface. Feelings she thought she had locked away for good. But feelings of being nothing, of being worthless, of feeling like trash are hard to lock away when it turns out they have a spark of truth in them. The mark that was mad,. "Carol and I have a unique relationship. It is totally open and each of us has given the other permission to step outside the bonds of holy matrimony, only neither of us ever had. Carol is a walking wet dream and she has men goggle eyed wherever she goes. She's had more passes thrown at her than all the wide receivers in the NFL, but she has never tried to catch one. It has always been my fondest wish to watch Carol in bed with another man, and she has always said that some day she will do it for me. In fact, she had one day shown me a list of who she was going to do and in what order she was going to do them. But she has steadfastly refused to be the first one to break our marriage vows. If it ever happens, it will have to be because I was the first to have sex outside our marriage. The trouble is that I have absolutely no interest in having sex with anyone other than Carol, so a couple of thousand guys never got a chance at Carol because I won't put my dick in another woman. It's.
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