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They were all with exceptional women who were as attracted to me as I was drawn to them. I owe them much.With them, I learned to avoid nasty, ungratifying sex by never forcing myself uninvited onto a woman, never to fuck in anger, and never allowing myself to be humiliated by a grudgingly given charity-fuck with a disinterested partner. Such sex was not only not worth having, it was an evil that destroys joy, together with one's self-worth and all loving respect and lasting desire for one’s partner.The women I met taught me that for good sex, the desire had to be mutual and strong. It was as much about the joy and ecstasy of giving pleasure as it was about being pleasured. Good sex was a dance beyond what a dance could be. It was the ultimate, shared, life-affirming celebration of ourselves through our now desired and desirable bodies. These women and I made love, explored, adventured, crossed boundaries. We laughed at and ignored the prissy folks that disapproved. Some things. "What you watching?" he asked."Real housewives." Why are you watching this crap?" I don't know. It's fun I guess." You going to be done soon?" Why?" Want to play some Halo." Where are those jerks you call friends? Can't you go over there and play?" They're busy. So you going to be done soon or what?" I don't know," I said.After a few minutes a commercial came on and he got up with a huff and went into the kitchen. I heard the fridge open and shut. Alex came back into the den with a coke and plopped back down on the sofa. I pretended that I didn't notice him come back, as he settled back into the couch. This made me laugh to myself, as he claimed to hate this show, but here he was watching it.I'm not sure how much later, as I had gotten sucked back into my show, but I caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye, of my brother looking at me. He would glance at me and then back at the TV. It was as if he didn't want me to know he was looking at me.What the fuck? Why is he looking at me.
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