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I jerked in surprise when his seed spilled into me, and I gripped his shoulders tightly as he shuddered violently. Spent, he rolled off of me, panting heavily, hair tousled and eyes closed. We didn’t speak for a long time. I didn’t know how to react. I was stunned. I felt as though I’d been invaded, as though my last shred of childhood innocence had been ripped away in one fell swoop. I felt like a stranger. The tears came very quickly, spilling out from under my eyelids and splattering on the pillow. I tried to keep quiet, thinking that he had fallen asleep, but I must have made some small sound, because the bedclothes suddenly heaved beside me and a hand closed on my shoulder. ‘Eleanor! Are you alright?’ I nodded miserably, letting the tears flow freely now. ‘Oh, God, Eleanor. I’m so sorry. Did it hurt terribly? I should have been more careful with you, please forgive me…’ He went on for a moment longer, berating himself and apologizing, until I rolled toward him and into his. Each night, I sat in my room, Kevin's number on the screen of my cell phone. All I had to do was hit "send". Only I never did.What would I say? How could I approach him without seeming like I was only after him because of his money? How could I be sure I was attracted to him because of who he was, not for the things he had or what he could do for me? How could I be sure he wouldn't break my heart again?Valentine's Day came and went. I half-expected to receive a card or gift, but none came. I didn't blame Kevin; I had been ignoring him for a month. What right did I have to expect anything from him?I made a vow that I would only call when I had a job. But oh, how I wanted to hear the sound of his voice! And feel him pulling me close to him.Mother tried to get me to talk a couple of times. She inquired about my trip to San Francisco, each time taking a different angle to get me to crack. But I resisted. Until she blindsided me."So who did you have sex with when you came back from.
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