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I walked over to a major avenue where I knew there would be a lot of people around and then walked all the way back to my neighborhood in midtown. I went to a nearby hospital ER and told the person at the intake desk that I was assaulted. By then my eye was very swollen and discolored so it was clear I wasn’t making this up; I was handed me a clipboard and asked to fill out the paperwork attached. I then sat in the waiting room with everyone else; fortunately it was fairly empty that night. They eventually called me back to another room where they asked a barrage of questions about the incident. I told the truth, but was actually now starting to feel the trauma I could see in the girls eyes who had warned me about Jim so I intentionally left a lot of the details out saying things like “I’m not sure” or “for some reason I can’t remember”. The woman taking my information was very sympathetic and told me some of the memories might come back to me in time, but it sounded like I. It is not a bad thing. It isjust how it worked out. I have never really been a sidekick before,but I am enjoying it, mostly for it is how much I can trust him.I always question people. It is not that I don't trust them. It is Ijust don't trust them to think out what they are doing or even whythey are doing it . It is like they are on auto-pilot. I heard thephrase enough "it seemed like a good idea at the time" to know thatpeople do not think enough. I know this contradicts me wanting to bemore in the moment, but there has to be a balance.I know I am no alpha, but I am not a beta either. Saying people areeither alphas or betas is a false dichotomy. I see myself as anindividual, I know everyone does. I do not wish to lead or follow. Iwish to do my own thing and allow others to do so. It does not matterif I like their action or not, people should be allowed to do whatthey like as long as they treat everyone the same and their actionscause no harm.People follow most of the time for they.
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