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I only have sex once a year, on Thanksgiving Day, and always with some drunken smelly guy who probably won't even remember who he had sex with by morning. He might not even realize that he had sex at all. But I would know, and I always made sure that they orgasmed and I always rubbed their spunk all over my tits and lick it from my fingers. Self-loathing that may be, but it gets me through the coming 12 months until I pluck up the courage to choose another homeless man for my pleasure. This little scenario has gone on year after year and I knew that it would never change. Then last year I had the surprise of my life. One, I might add, was of my own making. I was 41 then and I had to admit that this little Thanksgiving thing of mine was becoming a disgusting ritual. I wasn't sure if I could bring myself to do it again. I'd been working since before dawn on that Thanksgiving Day in the homeless shelter, helping to prepare the dining room and side dishes for the day's handout. My normal. But now he's..." She trailed off. Men. Such bizarre creatures. One was everything she'd ever wanted and yet nothing she'd ever want, and the other was... Purely incomprehensible. "I wish he'd make up his mind." Maybe he will, if you do," Davina said.That had been almost a month ago and Catheryne still had not managed to screw up her courage and confront him. And she discovered something about herself as she did: she, too, was scared of loss. She had already been rejected by Paitr, in some way--whom she had not seen since that fateful night; she didn't want to see him. Wasn't sure she could trust herself near him. But she didn't want to lose Jordan either. Was scared that the divorce would be complete--that he would turn to her, "No, milady, you needn't apologize, there was no need for concern," all in that flattened monotone voice he seemed to be so enamored of lately--no, that would be too much to be borne. Better to keep silent. Better not to find out. Better to hope.And now today.
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