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I could go to the hotel, accuse the two of them, but what would happen? I'd have to say I'd bugged them, have to own up to my fears and probably lose control of everything. They would both know how vulnerable I felt. They— well Guy anyway— would have the upper hand. I had no idea what Ellen would do. I had stopped listening to them so maybe even as I was standing here panicking she might be telling him there was no way she was leaving me, or maybe not. Right then, even though I desperately wanted to know, I didn’t feel strong enough to find out.I sat at the kitchen table and made toast. I poured the coffee away and made tea; thick, strong, sweet, milky tea. Builder's tea they call it here in England; The kind that big sweaty men drink from flasks amongst the dust and rubble. Just what I needed to drink, sitting in the wreckage of my marriage. Tea and toast, the solution to every problem.Slowly, I got my brain back in gear. One voice told me it was my own fault. Why didn't I trust. "I'm not some sorta hippy, like. Though I smoke blow like the best of them. I dunno why. I just sorta gone off eating meat. I guess I must be soft, me." Soft?" Aye! Not hard, like. I sorta look at meat and I think about the animals, you know, the sheep and cows and pigs and all. And then I just don't fancy it. So, I must be soft as shite, me."Marla found this terribly endearing. Although he betrayed a certain degree of boldness by breaking into her reverie in the way he had, there was still something rather shy and awkward about him. He fiddled with the waist of his huge shorts and smiled readily and easily. But his eyes contrived to focus on hers for only as long as it was strictly polite to do so."And have you and your friends been travelling around Morocco?" Well, not really. We just came for a couple of days in Tangiers. We're going on to Ibiza for the clubs later, but we thought we'd see what Africa's like. But it's not proper Africa, is it? They're all Arabs and the like here..
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