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This is how she felt the following morning and many mornings after. One of these mornings, on her way to the office, she saw the antique shop attendant supervising some men carrying crates from his shop to a lorry. She said hello and the man said,” I am moving out” by way of greeting. She wanted to ask him where he was going and why but a strange feeling of acceptance, a patience born from many hours of frustration prevented her from doing so. She felt she had no right to ask him anything. He was giving no reasons anyway. Still, she felt curious. She was the one looking and yet, she felt exposed to his gaze, exposed to the world somehow. His eyes roamed her body and she could not help trembling, fear and lust running through her veins.“I am going, but the next-door neighbour can tell you where I will be unless you want to know now.”“I will ask your neighbour when...when I..."“You will ask when you are ready."The man smiled and she blushed, wishing she did not, wishing she had never. She needs me to be strong.Ironically, I think I have a much better relationship with Julie than I probably would have had if Debbie hadn’t died. I’ve had to act as both mother and father to Julie and she’s had to rely on me for everything. I tried very early on to make sure she understood that she could always talk to me about anything and we made a pact to never lie to each other. Luckily, she’s been a great kid.There were certainly tough times, though. I had to learn to cook and actually found that I kind of enjoy it. What I make is pretty basic but it has served our needs. Julie took home econ class a couple of years ago and found that cooking could be fun so she has been a big help in the last couple of years. There are even some dinners that she likes to make by herself. She’s growing up in front of my eyes. Watching her grow up has been the most amazing experience of my life. It’s been like being able to watch a caterpillar evolve into a butterfly. A girl’s body.
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