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I was tempted to attribute the change to her break-up but she had insisted to my mother and I that it was her who had initiated ending the relationship and that too not because of any express fault on the part of her boyfriend. They were just not compatible, she had said.“I do realize, Josh,” she said weighing her words carefully, “that I understand nothing. Do you get that?”“What?”“Do you realize I understand nothing about what I saw?”“Oh,” I said, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks. I had hoped to avoid this conversation entirely. Forever. Yet here we were.“Yes, I do,” I replied quietly.“Then, will you fault me for trying to understand a little bit?” she said.“I’d really rather not talk about it, Ellen.”“I see,” she said, with a tinge of sadness, “I understand.”A few moments passed in silence.“Would you talk to me about it,” she spoke again, “if I were to… you know… express favourable views on the situation…”“Oh?”“It was so weird…”“I can understand that.”“And almost repulsive to. ‘You can’t hitchhike,’ I said sharply. I meant it to come out softer, but I was still a little hot. ‘Especially at night,’ I added with a more even tone. Damn, I think I just sounded like my father did when I was younger. I disliked this situation immensely. Amber laughed. I hated this situation. ‘I’ve made it halfway across the country, Mark,’ Amber chuckled. ‘Go on,’ she continued, pointing down the road, ‘I’ll be fine. You’ve done enough.’ She headed to the back of my car and went back to the edge of the on-ramp. I took a deep breath. I couldn’t believe she laughed at me. Stupidity had always been my guide when dealing with people. I got out of the car, visions of her raped and dead on the side of the road steering my stupidity to new heights. ‘I’ll give you enough for a train ticket,’ I called to her, ‘anywhere you want to go.’ She stared at me. At least she didn’t laugh. ‘You can’t hitchhike,’ I repeated, as if that made all the sense in the world. She could certainly.
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