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You were born to dance.”My chest went tight, so tight breathing was hard. Callie broke my heart, silently crying, her eyes full of agony, tears tumbling. I felt my resolve waver and tried to steel myself.“Please, Hunter,” she whispered, pleading. “I love you!”I couldn’t take Callie’s agony. I hated the pain I was causing her and hated how I felt; as if I’d betrayed her.I was angry, too. Why couldn’t I fix it? Why couldn’t I see a solution? Why?Frustrated, I announced, “I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back later.”“Let me come,” Callie pleaded.“No! I need to be alone and think, Callie.”Striding out, I headed into the forest. Dappled morning sun slanted through the canopy. The air was fresh and cool, full of the scents of hidden blossoms, dark tree bark, earthy composting leaves.Without a destination, I walked, ducking under low branches and around trees. What the fuck could I do? Nothing. I’d killed. I’d blackmailed the American government.Sure, I’d protected Callie, but at what cost to. I awoke with a feeling of disappointment inside me. I was aware of my surroundings as wrong, in error, and felt that if I waited a second or two, they would turn into the correct ones.They remained the same.I lay in bed thinking what had started out as a good prospect of companionship had been demolished by my own fear of commitment. I had to be myself, fears and all, in spite of what happened. That was the way it had always been with me.I got up out of bed and walked over to the clothes closet. I took my robe off and stared at myself in the full length mirror. It isn't worth it, I thought. It isn't worth the hassle. Every time I had let myself fall, it was the same old story.I decided I was not going to eat my heart out over anybody. Let somebody eat his heart out over me, if that's the way it had to be.There were plenty of Hack Raver's around, and if I did not want it that way particularly, there was always Joe Cunningham, or maybe the answer was a good old comfortable collie like.
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