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I wouldn't say I lacked confidence so much as I didn't feel the need to stand out. I was happy blending into the crowd. At the park though, I felt safe to take risks. Like you would see a guy sitting in the parking lot or walking round and round in circles and you knew why he was there. He wanted a release. Often he wasn't picky how he got it. I found with many men, it seemed like they were grateful when I did things. In a way it also felt like an escape from my normal life, not that it was horrible, it was simply nice to get away.I feel what I did really depended on how I felt in that moment. If the guy made me comfortable or uneasy. If I felt no one else would be coming by or if I felt like any second we'd hear another vehicle. I might show up intending to be crazy and get there and get a bad feeling and drive away. Other times I might simply be bored, able to get away and swing by with no thoughts or plans. It was very much an in the moment thing.I think the uncertainty was also a. ..Boris does not speak English yet so she would communicate to him in Russian and would translate between him and me whatever we needed to say to each other she said he is perfectly clean and only has massages with special women and both parties are tested before hand to make sure there is no problem I told her I would bring my test report with me when I came for my appointment Boris would have his as well she asked me if I used contraception or would Boris need to use a condom I told her I had a device and that I would be wearing it that day I wanted to feel him skin to skin it had been a long while and I wanted it to be perfect...Natasha and I arranged my spa day which was this coming Friday she had had a cancellation and was free that day so I hung up the phone and thought about that day I was excited and eager to go I needed a great day for myself after everything that happened I deserved it!I went shopping the next day and bought new everything sexy outfit new shoes with really.
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