." I managed. "I can't go through any more of this." I stumbled out of the room and managed to locate the bathroom and literally clawed at my face to remove the make up. If there had been acid on that bathroom sink top I would have poured it onto my skin neat. This wasn't some macho breakdown you understand? I was comfortable enough with my sexuality and didn't suddenly think being facially feminised would reduce me as a man. Nope. This was pure and simple "I look like a fucking freak and I know I'll never look sexy as a fem...." and on the tail of that the most stupidly, ridiculous, self loathing addendum..."And it's MY FAULT!" I removed the make up smearing the remains over a towel, tears still running from my eyes and went out the bathroom to find two alarmed and genuinely concerned ladies asking if I was okay...it's what's said in this kind of situation even if the person concerned is plainly not ok. It's a human thing I guess. And being vaguely human myself I said I was and made. She hoped to be ordained in the next year or two and be an assistant pastor where ever the denomination she was in sent her. She had hopes that someday she would be able to establish her own ministry and to follow a path that she was sure the Lord was guiding her toward. She smiled at me and her eyes glinted in amusement as she told me she had no time at the present for romantic entanglements but preferred casual dating where an escort was a necessity.I told her I was a casual Christian and came from a family of casual Christians but I planned to attend church in the chapel the next morning and with a smile I told her I was sure her sermon would convince me to become more devout.Smiling back confidently she told me, "I see that as my future ministry. Instead of doing missionary work in some far off undeveloped country, I believe the greatest challenge is right here at home; making real Christians out of the casual Christians. You can be my challenge for tomorrow." You're on." I told.
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