I think that was the thing that changed me most of all. Knowing that someone had unconditional love for me. And that was what made me finally able to let go and love myself. Sometimes at night I think about the night you died. I cry every time I remember the look on the nurses face, when I knew the end was near. She came in and pulled away the tubes. Then the doctor came, and they turned off your life support. I closed my eyes as I heard the rhythmic sound of your heart monitor shift to a single sharp note. I still hear that in my head sometimes when I close my eyes. I don’t think it’ll ever go away. But what I’ll remember even more is what happened just before all of that. They stepped out of the room to let me say goodbye. I ran my fingers through your thin hair and choked out words that I had thought I would get to sing to you every night for years. But this once would just have to be enough: ‘Hush, little baby, don’t say a word… Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird… If that. ..I mean...I'll do anything but, but I've never even gone down on a guy. What if I do it wrong?" He laughs softly. "Sarah, I'm sure that nature will take over and you'll do just fine. As sexy as you are, I'm certain it won't take much to get him...relieved." You take a few timid steps toward him and look up at him sheepishly, innocently. "Coach...would you...would you..." "Don't worry, sweetheart, I'd never say anything to anyone," he says reassuringly. "No, that's not..." "And no, I would never think less of you. You've got such school spirit and have always gone..." "Teach me!" you blurt, "Teach me what to do. How to please a man." His mouth is open in surprise. He's obviously speechless. You walk close to him and look at him innocently. "Coach, I want you to teach me how to suck your cock, to teach me to be the best cocksucker I can be so I can help Tommy...to help the Mavericks!" You run your fingers softly up his arm and back down, tracing your way to his lap..
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