I carried on, very conscious of the fact that my fingers were touching the tops of her breasts each time I moved my hands. I stopped momentarily as I realised just what I was doing, getting sexually aroused while fondling another woman.Julie’s voice jerked me back to reality, "Don’t stop Vanessa. It’s very nice. I like you touching me."I began again but now more than ever I was conscious of the fact of what I was doing and so I was very careful to avoid touching her breasts in case she made me stop. Instead I just stared at them, wanting them, wanting to be able to touch them, hold them and, yes, even to kiss them. "Vanessa?" asked Julie."Yes," I replied, almost scared of what she might say."Do you like me?" she asked.I was confused. I almost didn’t know what to say, or rather felt I didn’t know what she wanted me to say. "You know I like you. We’ve been friends for over nine years." I didn’t mean it like just friends," she said.I’d known she hadn’t meant it that way but I was all. It was painful and uncomfortable and I sort of flashed back to those experiences without trying to understand what you were doing or what I was actually feeling. I overreacted. I'm really sorry."I radiated sincerity because, perhaps for the first time with a man, I was sincere, without artifice."I'm sorry it made you feel uncomfortable. I had no idea what I had done wrong. I could have explained if you had asked," he said."I know."How had he made it to eighteen years old and remained this naïve?"I'm not saying it was your responsibility to ask. When you feel a visceral response to something, you just react. You don't stop to analyze it. I'm just saying I did it for a reason. I'm sorry it made you feel bad." Visceral? Do you always talk like that? Sometimes you sound like a thesaurus."He laughed. "You're actually hearing me trying not to do that. I really work on, well, trying to say things in a way most people can understand. Sometimes the perfect word jumps into my mind and out of.
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